What I gonna do?

I have been pondering upon it quite a bit lately. There have been some really thought provoking comments on the post ( What you gonna do).So I start thinking about all the three things mentioned in there. They seem so damn true. When A man is lost, defeated by life , by someone or Himself. There can be plenty of reasons, causes and effects. But the fact is he feels as if he is done with everything. I guess this stage comes after one has been frustrated,Sick and depressed. When he has had enough. The next stage after all this.


I thought about it all on my life. I am in a way living the second choice. Though I don't dope and booze, but I have my addictions and ways of forgetting and running away from the reality. I am totally into hanging out in CCD every single day, and there is tonnes of Caffeine running in my veins.( into red bull tooo but see caffeine it is agian). (Though it has kinda stopped working now).In one way or other I have always found a way so far...!

The first choice- Changing oneself . Well I have done it theoretically many times. all the planning, the change, it effects ( positive positive).. and all. You bet it sounds too ideal ( Kills the funs of life..;). But can't apply it practically. Even if I try it, it doesnt work for long. ( Yes Ppl..I know " Being yourself" theory, but we are dealing with one serious issue here)
And the last choice... well thought on it a lot. But seems like all is not lost yet. Unseen hopes still fly inside.

Either they will make me fly high....or Crash me somewhere..
This remains to be seen!

[Illustration by a talented friend - Navi! You can visit his blog here - On Road to Hell]

37 comments:

shikha said...

I CAN really relate to this situation..so giving u some gyan!!
my life has been in a mess for more den an year now..!!i had d same thoughts initially...wasted an yr on dat..and now i hav realised smthing...its all very stupid.i made my situation worse by getting depressed over this..u know what,more u think , more u ll get depressed...one things is for sure....u cannot change urself...not now...not after 21-22 yrs...this is you and love urself for dat!!!...addiction is a funny thing...i really doubt it ever helps,infact it reminds u all the time that u r trying to run away from smthing and running away wont ever help..think abt this..can u run away from ur own life?..so the only option left is to face the truth..yeah u r in a mess..yeah future seem to be bleak...so can u do anything abt it?if u can ,why r u wasting ur time here..go n do it..and if u cant,will it make a difference if u ll spend 20 hours or 200 hours at CCD???so why not have fun while u r in a mess??at least u ll have smthing to tell ur kids..and at least u ll enjoy watever good time u hav in hand..
and trust me dude..this will pass..for sure!!!kill me if it wont!!:-)

shikha said...

and u need not thank me for this gyan!!!
jus send me a gift!!!:-)
diamonds will do!!!!:-)

Keshi said...

when ppl read my blog, they may think Im forever living a great, happy, full-of-fun and energetic life. Well the truth is that I dun! I hv my moments too and Im fighting hard to stay HAPPY...I live one day at a time..I dun care much abt the future..cos I dun even know if I'd live that long. So enjoy NOW...thats my advice to u.


Keshi.

swatimala said...

u always make me think...

n thts what i love bout ur blog!

shimmer said...

so c-o-o-l post...yeah i'm learning myself to just take each day as it comes...live for today every waking moments...for the future still unknown...and is yet to come ;;)

Nithya N said...

is it some sort of get-sick-with-life phase? i think it's is the passout syndrome that attacks people who are just about to pass out ( mean graduation ;P)...

Rajeev said...

dont worry man!
I can identify this one! been there done that!
I falied in my 12th and wasted 2 yrs, and now again lost an year BCA. It all happens! Life really sucks, but ur time will come soon! always hope for the best! :)
"Say goodbye to everything the world says is important
Throw away the standards society forces upon us
Doesn’t matter to them whether you win or lose
The only person it’s going to affect is you
So take the risks & the chances that you want to take
You only live once, every moment means something
Take a breath, count to three, and make the leap."

peace & love
Jeevy

shikha said...

umm....i m an earring freak..!!!:-)

naah dude...jus pray for me dat i clear CAT this time..else m gonna be in a BIG BIG mess...sigh...i want evone s blessings!!!more is better!!:-)

Prude said...

Well if you really want to change...then you definitely can! All about the will and how much you want it.

Kulpreet said...

Hey friend,

'Changing oneself': what you say in your blog is a great way. And perhaps the only way. I can tell you by experience. And don't you worry, for good people don't crash. They only fly. Rather soar..
Best wishes!

Anand Sarolkar said...

looks inspired from "Catcher in th rye"!

Adi Crazy said...

Wow! Interesting post and interesting comments as well :)
Almost everyone can relate to this, I'm sure. But does anyone has an answer?

pRicky said...

I am sure you have seen Forrest Gump.
Shit happens!!!
Life wouldnt be as much fun if it didnt.
Theres a tragedy in every life I suppose...
You mag idea was rather interesting I know comes late but yeah I went through it

utopia said...

hey sometimes guess all of us go through these low phases. but "this too shall pass". one of my favourite quotes. we wouldn't be us really without a bad phase or two every now and then. being happy ain't easy, think its so hard. easier giving in to all the negativity around. but the day you can smile despite all the mayhem and chaos around is the day that you probably learnt life's tiny lil important lesson.
btw thanks for dropping by.

The Lover said...

interesting post...back here after a long time...

shikha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
love said...

we ought to trust God! Love can be magical and healing, I have my own issues but maybe together we can make it through!?? I choose to trust life on this, there's always a way. Maybe we must really get into the Tao, the way and it will make us strong again?!! It is sthing new to me but whatever, I want to know you.

Just breath in and breath out, one little step at a time.

Take care and love yourself, no matter what.

xx

trebol said...

"Kiss From A Rose"

There used to be a greying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
Stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the grey,
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the grave,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the grave.
There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.
But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.
Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey.
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.
Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the grey
Ooh, the more I get of you
Stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the grey
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the grey.

Ab said...

well, shikha, i read yr last post before it got deleted.. and well, actually started at th first comment, and knowing that you would come back, I scrolled down

well, anyways, i dont agree with most of what you say.. just because life is in a mess doesnt mean that your right always, or that, the right path is follow your ideas..
the thing is knowing whats best for you and following that. and remember, when you're 22 (ok, lets say, thats how old I am), a lot of the time, you need not necessarily be able to comprehend whats best for you..
But i agree with you on one count, we have the right to make mistakes... and to quote some sick brainy philosopher, a life spent making mistakes is worth more than a life spent doing nothing.. the thing is the mistakes should be in the quest for something other people havent had the guts to explore or risk.. not to justify your irresponsibility and recklessness. and i feel that going your way is tantamount to giving up, on your terms, though!

u said you read Coelho... this is pretty much the message in most of his books.. you should have a purpose for living.. you should know what you wantto be.. what others think about it, or the mistakes you might make should not be barriers to that

hey well, to be frank, even im going through a gloomy period.. no crisis.. so i feel useless and impotent (mentally, that is) https://www.blogger.com/comment.g?blogID=8981832068734077780&postID=3872815746475396231 this is a comment i made on another blog 2 days ago :)

and ya, the best thing about blogs is knowing that you arent alone in the way you feel and the way you think.. in the real world, people never open up.. but in blogs, cos of anonymity, we do... Im really happy to have made 'blog buddies' who i really like more than real life friends now!
chao

Ab said...

and now Aman,
its not like i forgot this was your space, and not Shika's... but to be frank, i found nothing in the post that pointed to the fact that you were unhappy to the point of gloom (apart from the usual rant on useless college)

specific comments:
one, ya changing yourself is not a real solution... because eventually you go back to being yourself.. very rarely do we stick to our change resolutions!

and two, regarding suicide, ya, the biggest thing is, even when all seems lost, there is a hope that maybe if you tried better things will improve. and you dont want to give up still..

PianoPoet said...

Profound thoughts... on profound issues. I don't have the answer to life's questions but having lived a few years I've learned that there are times when you see no meaning in going on. I've also learned that by taking one small step at a time, even when you think you have no energy for that step, you will get through eventually and find hope again.Trust God and keep taking one more step - that's my motto.

(¯`•._.•[Raaji]•._.•´¯) said...

I think life is all about discovering oneself and the process of discovery and changes is never ending.
But i hope you find satisfaction in yourself :)

Princess Banter said...

Oh man -- music to my ears. It's comforting to know that I'm not the only one who feels so lost and entirely messed up. I still have no idea where to start when it comes to changing and picking up my life. But knowing that I'm not the only one out there is refreshing. Here is to us... in finding meaning in the journey of life :)

PS -- love the picture!

Ab said...

heyy... how come everyone is feeling the exact same way right now???
even you princess?
well, today morning, Im feeling more crappier and shittier than ever... my morale was never this low (ya, but i still am smiling while i type - so i guess there's way to go b4 i hit rock bottom) and i really dont want to go on this way...

its like, its been quite sometime that iv known i have a mental problem, and iv tried to work on it, to get bak to the guy i was, but its not working, and now, Iv given up hope of getting back to being the Ab everyone knew andd admired... so now what? because i dont really want to continue as someone noone admires (i mean, not admire as a hero, but admire as a sensible good chap!)

sun said...

you just want people to feel sorry for you, go kill yourself with drugs if its what you want or get a grip of your life. they have put paradise in your life and you choos to destroy yourself before reaching it? how about you ask for professional help? you need it.

this is really unattractive, i so not like weak people.

whats the point of all your brains if you can't use them?

KAYLEE said...

nice post howss u?

Vibhanshu said...

I think life it best lived by taking as it comes, though standing by things that matter enough.

But we should also know when to let go of the elusive dream and be a realist.

Pri said...

we all go throught this phase...
jus hang in there...this too shall pass!:)

Hershey Desai said...

whats the next stage? indifference.

there is nothing wrong with caffeine. Its actually god's fault. Why use blood when caffeine works more efficiently.

the first choice: changing thyself...hmm... the second choice..changing everyone else and getting rid of those who don't agree with you. I can give you a list of specific hitmen to hire... they aren't cheap..but get the job done very efficiently.

Flying will eventually lead to crashing...it is inevitable... best is to walk. Or atleast take a parachute.

Ashu said...

Great blog. Blogrolling ya. would come back in detail for more.

NEHA CHANDOK!!!!! said...

thnx for the comment...BLOG on...u doin some reall gud wrk..

Lavender said...

hmmm...well about addictions n changing urself..lemme explain this, its VERY hard but yes, its NOT impossible...i've had my own experience too and the consequences have been no less than fatal...its better u start working on them early rather curse yourself when its too late...things do change but they are nurtured by time..yes time is an important factor..u just cannot expect things to take a U - Turn within seconds..its a gradual process but eventually, trust me, it does work..don't let yourself down..m sure things will be back on the right track :)

DOOMED DOCTOR said...

man goes down and stands up so that his original beliefs can become stronger.A right person can only be present in the wrong place at the wrong time,can never go wrong 4ever....i m bc to blogging my frd,trust me i have quit a lot....only addiction i wud love to keep on is blogging!

Irreversibly Screwed said...

et tu?
there's something wrong with the world... everyone seems to feel so frustrated and depressed... my addiction is sleep... though caffeine does help at times... but its frustrating to see a world so indifferent and not being able to do anything about it..
this wont be the worse and u've had to have had worse days than this... it isnt over till the fat lady sings!!..
tc..

durga said...

nice post!

"But the fact is he feels as if he is done with everything."

"forgetting and running away from the reality"
great definition!
everyone is addicted - addictions may differ and time duration of loosing the "senses" or getting the "high" is different, but everyone's addicted or so i think..

Changing oneself - truly a serious issue! :-)

"Either they will make me fly high....or Crash me somewhere.."
may be a perfect landing?? how do u rule that out???

and the illustrations is pretty cool! - navi is sure talented!

Standbymind said...

mmmm Ever seen "Duck tales"? the cartoon thing with Uncle scrrrrrooodge?

I am Launchpad's Fan....So landings..only crashes...with innovation though ;)

Twisted Whispers said...

nice blog!