The Kool Cafe....

Location : A very famous dhaba on Delhi Highway where My bus halts.
Time: 2:43 Am
Situation: Conductor says bus shall move in 10 minutes.Hurry on!

We skip the idea of food, and rather grab some snacks......

My body reckons my mind - 'You haven't had it in last 24 hours. You need your dose. Its important.Do something.'
My eyes gaze all around, searching the counters, Shelves and refrigerators. This place always had those Nescafe cans. They will calm you down.
'No..No! I can't see them anywhere.'
Helplessly, I ask the Uncleji at the counter for the Coffee can.
He puts down a can in front of me.
What the hell is this? I ask myself.
'Shut up' it says. Something is better than nothing. Take it or you will have them again- the headaches.'

Can reads 'AMUL KOOL CAFE' ( What in the holy hell is this?)
Anyways, back in the bus. Can opened. A weird smell enters my nostrils. It is a shit smell.
'Drink it..Just sip on'.

- I bring the can to my lips and take a sip with my eyes closed.
'Aahhhhhhhhhhh..." I scream.
What the fuck is this thing? It tastes like.....
It tastes like Tonnes of amul butter thrown in Creamy milk with some coffee essence..!

In my whole life I have never tasted anything horrible than this,let alone a coffee.
They so cold " Cold Coffees" made by aunties at home with heaps of sugar and little coffee powder are way better than this.

- My hand wobbles and coffee( or whatever it was) spilled on my cousins handkerchief.

Can thrown out.
A can of chilled coke sipped in to get off the dreadful taste of kool Cafe.
Hanky washed and put in bag.......

Time:10:43 Am
Place: Hotel Room , Delhi.

We both wake up as if seen a nightmare in sleep.
" Whats that smell dude?"
" Yeah ! Holy shit..It woke me up from sleep.It is horrible."
" I know..lets find out wheres it coming from or we will die off this."

Search is On. Found the Hanky.
It brings back the haunting memories of " Kool Cafe."
Lighter taken - Handkerchief burnt to ashes...
Prayers Said.
May God forbid Mankind from the Kool Cafe.....

Amen!

PS: All you Ccd,barista, Mocha, Costa fans who swear on Frappes,Iced cappucinnos etc.. I challenge you to drink this. Yes Challenge!

48 comments:

Dream catcher said...

kool cafe?? dont know but i did try amul milk..loved kesar one.its really tasty...guess will give a shot sometime..

man is that so bad u need to burn down the handkerchief !!!

StandbyMind said...

It is ..It is..
i can smell it ...Shit man

Dream catcher said...

Oh boy!! gosh it seems it has got o ur nerve..!! have some good shots..do something jst come out of this..

Dream catcher said...

yeah on a break...may b for bit long...but i will be reading :)

Nithya N said...

i think all flavours suck,coffee being on the top of the list. but then,dude, you hate it so much!!

Nithya N said...

by the way,i blogrolled you! congratulations! ;P

StandbyMind said...

Thank yo Thank you..what an Honour Nithya!!!

The Acid Tongue said...

coffee is my fav flavor. glad I missed this KOOL KAN!

The Acid Tongue said...

haha
let me finish my work for the fest...
uske baad i'll risk my life. Challenge accepted.
*opens drawer to find Health insurance papers*

The Acid Tongue said...

why do i hav a feeling i was tricked into accepting this challenge?

The Acid Tongue said...

iska badlaa liya jayega :D

The Acid Tongue said...

it cant be worse than juice'n'booze. :D

The Acid Tongue said...

you can't scare me out of the challenge lolz.

The Acid Tongue said...

bhupi, the witness seems like a good target

The Acid Tongue said...

yea ;)

The Acid Tongue said...

i guess he'll be impelled to post!

Zee said...

isn't this the one with the shady ad "amul cool...chill the pill"??? hahahaha...... i wudn't experiment with a product with such an ad!!!

Lavender said...

awww..dat was a SURE bad experience..but swear by d coffee me n my sis had at CCD in del..some americano expresso somethin..offered devoid of milk !..a baby cup wid a baby spoon !..it made me puke n left my sister in spills !!..we swore dat day never ever to enter a coffee joint again !

diyadear said...

oops.. sounds real yuckky.. tahn ks for letting us know dude.. wont ever try ti :D

Princess Banter said...

Argh, I know how that feels like! Had quite a few unfortunate experiences myself. Though I agree that luxury coffee brands such as Starbucks and UCC are way overpriced... I can't help but realize that there is a reason why they're highly priced. Don't we all get what we pay for? ;)

Kulpreet said...

Hi,
I am kind of surprised that you found it so offensive.
I can vouch by the taste of it. It tastes splendid.
I guess, you don't like it because it is Indian.

PianoPoet said...

Must have been a traumatic experience. Coffee should not be messed with.

disillussioned_me said...

eewwwwwww!ok i have been thru this!!! i hate anything that is canned! lolz.

Jeya Anand said...

well...does that taste so bad??? I don't think so!! may be that can was dead beyond the expiry date;)

nikhil said...

wow so now youve started doin PR for companies as well ...interesting ...even though its a negative article ..AMUL is in the news here ...

anyways kool kafe is the typicall cold coffee for beginners ...its too sweet, the cann hole is too large,its pathetic ....though the choclate flavour is good

Dawn....सेहर said...

WOW thats seemed like an ad for both :) coke and amul....!
I sympathize with you thats all I can say! As I dont drink any...so I guess am saved ;)
Cheers

Rajeev said...

haha!! was that so bad!?
:|
My life is faar to precious to accept challenges. I quit. just reading this scared me!
damn it!
btw i've linked ur blog.

peace & love
Jeevy

Rajeev said...

well i guess they just have to look for someone like U!!! ;)
heheh! :D

peace & love
Jeevy

Rajeev said...

lol! dont worry. my life is even worse! Trust me, u wouldn't wanna know! :D
Jeevy THE MAN!
haha! thanx! :D

Peace & love
Jeevy

Rashi said...

A different experience it must hve been hmmm, nice post !

Rajeev said...

lol! Im still wondering why u said that! Of cous i dont put up my sig when im in a hurry or when im like really bored! else it wud always be there! :D

peace & love
Jeevy

Rajeev said...

now that ur telling so much!
i'll definitely try it sometime soon!
i dont think it can be that bad!
heheh!

peace & love
Jeevy

Sweetstickychewy said...

Hello Standbymind.

Thanks for dropping by my blog. And I lurrrrve coffee. Cold ones will be the ice blended ones from coffee beans.

Tasted some cold coffee from cans before. Not all taste good. that i have to agree on. But the one you drank.haha..:P must have been the wrong brand..:P

chandni said...

oh ho..it can't be that bad yaar!

I was watching the ads on tv and thinking abt trying it out...
but your post is so full of hatred that I shudder to think abt how bad the taste can be!

And as they say, I am sufficiently curious now....will get back :D

JollyRoger said...

Thanks man, nearly fell for that ad!

Still searching said...

Hahaha!! Thank God I haven't tried it! But you wrote the post so well, I can literally smell it here, 1000s of miles away! :))

Btw, isnt this the one with the really bad ad saying "bin bole sab bole" something?!

pRicky said...

fine fine we got it you hated it...
wanna make money?
Sue them say that you ahve been traumatised and exceedingly tortured by the after effects. They will go for the outside settlement and you'd still end up being a crorepati...
Congrats!!!
And about the challange you want to be the next hitler and inflict mass torture on the blog world??

ravali said...

haha, funny. i can imagine you lighting up the handkerchief and saying a prayer around the unholy pyre. omm svaaha! haha. may mankind's tastebuds be spared from such horror.

utopia said...

heheeh! its quite pathetic. amul's sad attempt to make cold coffee.

The Hermit of Wandering Thoughts said...

Haahaaa... This was quite funny...

Those night bus rides.. brings back memories of trips to Manali and hills afar when in college.. good times as far as I can remember..
cheers
z

Ekta said...

aaah! come on!...its cant be so bad..or is it?

Shruti said...

Hi Dear,
I too had the same Horrible experience once in Big Bazaar..
Where i tried to taste it and i swear i never had it again..

swatimala said...

Wow....never tried kool cafe and after what u r saying, i dont think i will ever try it...thanks 4 the warning

also, thanks 4 ur comments on my blog :)

INDR's Angels said...

nice one dude
keep writing.

Bendtherulz said...

if nothing else...say thanks to that drink - as it elicited a post from you...will give 10/10 numbers to ..yeah to that drink...its not everybody's cup of coffee...to get THAT reaction...pun unintended...lol...!
Tk care ~

Blogger Bhaiyya said...

i thought Kool cafe was good...

Did u shake it before opening the can???

relations said...

hey..
cool post..
but this is getting good sales and market reviews..
you might have tasted the pirated one(..pirated..?? adulterated i suppose)..
you shoukd give it another try to verify your inference..(only if it isnt fatal)..

Rutali D Mulye said...

Whats not to like....its lovely...I can have more than 5 cans of this lovely stuff everyday....25 Rs of bliss